To the ones who give

Hello there dear reader, before I begin with this blog

I’d like to extend my warm thanks and virtual bear hugs to you for reading my blogs whether you are the kind of reader to message me right away once I’ve published one or the one who silently reads and supports my writings. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. It may not seem like much but it means the world to me. Bless you <3

Ron Hicks, 1965

So here I am again after a week with another blog that's been on my mind for quite a while. I've tried to write this piece but I've experienced the writers block quite a few times now. Re-writing and collecting your thoughts can be extremely exhausting sometimes but I’ll keep doing it until I’m satisfied. With this blog I’ve chosen to let my guard down and to be vulnerable with my words, so here it is as weak as it would seem to most of the prolific and amazing writers out there but resoundingly ferocious in my thoughts; 

To the ones who give, 

This one's for you. 

Dear giver, 

I speak not of the materialistic things of this world or the roots of money, I speak of your heart. Your desire to give to those who you don’t expect much from. (And you’ve set these standards not because you loathe a person but because you don’t want to be a burden to anyone or anything.) What heart do you have, to pursue relentlessly and run after those who are hurt, needy and with expectations? You expect no acknowledgement or a word of thanks for your kindness and generosity, you’re simply content with the reactions of happiness and beaming smiles from the receivers. To give to others is a gift to your own self. To give is a life principle you stand by. A life lived for others is a life worthwhile for you. You serve others and you give the best, nothing less. You burn yourself up to give others your light. To give is better than to receive you'd say. You could be falling to pieces but you muster up your strength to be there for those who reach out to you for comfort and solace. 

Thank you. You're of the rarest kind.

Yet have you received abundantly from another person? Is time not of the essence, then why must you give time to those who ever so easily forsake you and take your presence for granted? Why is it worth it? Why do you belittle yourself giver?  You are there to stand by a person when they are at their lowest, you give them warm hands to clutch onto but is there anyone to hold you when the teeth chattering coldness of uncertainty and self doubt hits you? You choose to keep things bottled up to yourself and to be instantaneously present to the needs of those you love and care about. What you do is commendable but rarely noticed. It should be spoken of but it doesn’t go beyond a mere thought. A weak thank you and a smile is what you get in return. You’ve learnt to live gratified and fulfilled with the bare minimum.

You don’t deserve that. Not one bit of it. 

We all are givers but at what measure are you willing to give? At what cost will you go above and beyond for a person? Has your giving made you pay a great price? Does it cost anything to you? 

To give is a natural response of love.

 Forgiveness is a form of giving. It's the greatest form. 

Why do I think so? Giving a person that new chance is tough and you know that you're putting yourself at the risk of getting hurt once more but you do it either way. The ability to forgive is formidable. 

I’ve watched people being stabbed on the back by those they’d go above and beyond for. “Pathetic” is what would run through my mind. How immoral could a person possibly be to forget the arms that held them when they were at their lowest? You were sucked into this void of hopelessness, longing for warmth, what made you turn your back on the people who’d embrace your coldness in those punishing moments? What excuse do you have? Why would you do that? All you had to do was to understand a person but you abandoned them simply because a moment of human weakness overtook you? They may have hurt you but that doesn’t mean that you should erase the countless times they’ve been an angel in disguise to you. No one owes you anything. 

A Rumaya weak spot: identified

I can’t stand people who forget. You don’t have to worship a person and constantly remember the good they’ve done in your life, just don’t forget. Even when all hell breaks loose at that moment, don’t forget. 

Every time people forget; things get so ugly. 

Talk things through with calmness. Communicate. It’s not easy but it’s worth it. 

Fathers usually have a special place in their daughter's hearts. My thaththi has a very special place in my heart. He's someone who's given selflessly to me with a compassionate heart, more than what I deserve to receive. 

“Ruma don’t ever hate a person openly or secretly” is what my thaththi would constantly tell me. “Forgive them always with your words and from your heart. We all have weaknesses. GOD formed us from dust of the earth.” 

My LORD Jesus would tell me in the Bible “But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward have you?” 

It’s not easy but it’s worth it. I’m still learning to forgive those who’ve hurt me. I’m still learning to forgive myself. 

Dear reader, we experience harsh actualities with every passing day, give the people around you a sense of love and belonging because everyone you know needs it. They deserve to feel loved in a world as broken as ours. People deserve chances. It must come from your own free will. There are countless reasons to why a person might hit rock bottom so be there for people. Like warm yellow rays of sunshine filtering through the cracks of broken glass, your all-enduring love will seep it’s way into their hearts. 

Maybe this blog isn’t for you. Maybe it’s for me. To remind me that there’s good in every person out there no matter the bad. Some who do good and others who are yet to unlock the good in them. Some who have only ever known to give and others to receive. Some who forgive and some who seek complete forgiveness. We’re human. Sometimes our serious flaws collide with the goodness in other people. And sometimes the goodness in us collides with the flaws of other people. We just have to be patient and understanding. We all are responsible for this. 

I’ve spent several lonely nights in my room wallowing in self pity wondering what went wrong. After several such nights I realized that there were bad and weak sides to me but in those fidgety hours of 2:00-3:00 am I’ve realized my worth as well. 

Ask me what the hardest part was. 

To realize my worth. My mistakes, flaws and bad sides were very apparent to me in one single thought process but to realize my worth took a lot. *Alexa play Doja cat - boss bitch* 

I’ve given and I’ve received. I’m content with every lesson and blessing. I’ve loved and I’ve hurt. (I’m not on my death bed why am I talking like this.) Whether it's to learn new lessons, receive new blessings, to love and to be loved, to hurt or to get hurt, I'll continue to give and forgive, receive and seek for forgiveness, so must you. This will be never ending in all our lives. 

So don't give up on people easily. 

My fellow writing colleague and close comrade wrote, 

"Bonds are meant to be broken, but also bonds are meant to be fixed and mended and taped and somehow held together by both parties since, it feels nice. Really nice."

- The fragility of my ego, Aadhil Muneef 

Learning to see the deep "niceness" of a friendship or a relationship in the surface of a fleeting disagreement can be distressing but it's plausible. Irrespective of anything give according to your measure. 

Thank you for existing dear giver. I hope someday that you’ll receive a hundredfold of what you’ve given. You are worthy to receive in abundance. Thank you so very much. 

Alisher Kushakov

But even if I am weak, I can still be kind. 

For true power is in giving instead of taking.

-anonymous